Chewy's Law!

Well folks, this page is by special request! And, it's dedicated to the newly appointed head of my fan club. He's got to be the head of the club as I think he's probably the only fan I've got! Don't recall anyone else from anywhere else ever e-mailing me off this web site. I did however get a few laughs out of comments about Stan from the guys he works with, and I do have a few cookbook fans out there that I have used the site to pass Northern recipes on to. Then of course there was Joe, my web tutor who was quite proud of my accomplishments here. Enough so, that he loaded an uncompleted tutorial project to the web for the world to see, which led to Chewy finding me, and he in turn told half of Indiana about it apparently because I've been getting quite a few visitors.

(We have since added Deb down in Missouri to the fan club list, whom I met through a winning bid on a vintage rod! She even told the world about the RTFI site in feedback on E-bay!)

Regardless... Chewy on the other hand was a total stranger who somehow found my site on the web and enjoyed it enough to write, I never have got the full story there. He was researching ND fishing, and somehow came across the Turtle Lake Businesses Page, found me there and e-mailed me to say he loved the site. I replied thanking him for the compliments, we got to e-mailing back and forth on a regular basis, and we're now calling to visit each other weekly on the phone. He's shared on-line photos of his wife, family, and their new son Liam on several occasions, and we're looking forward to getting together and doing a little fishing this summer here in North Dakota, (and of course tossing a few cold one's back!), if it all works out. Who knows someday I might even be persuaded to venture down to Indiana and try a few of his favorite fishing holes too, although I've traveled enough in my job and my life to suit me, and I sorta like staying put when it comes to my leisure time. Driving to the lake is about as far as I want to go, and that's only 2 miles out of town.

This page will no doubt get added too over the years, or maybe we'll get more pages like it, or something along those lines, I am however relatively certain, that this will not be the last we hear from Chewy! I say that because he seems to have the same sort of spirit I do, and I'm sure our forays will incite more words of wisdom here on the site sooner or later. My only hopes in this matter being... that his wife has a sense of humor about all this, since she's subject to be picked on a little by some feller a thousand miles away, that don't even know her! But, with that devilish smile she so often expresses in her photos, she looks to be the type that can dish it out as well, so I'm crossing my fingers and giving it my best, although I'd best mind my manners herein a little, until I get to know her better.

I'm sure by now a few of you folks out there in web land are asking, "what the hell is a Chewy anyhow?" And, of course there are, I'm sure, a whole generation of us that grew up on the original Star Wars Trilogy, that don't have to ask that question. We know what a chewy is; that's exactly what came to mind when I received the first e-mail from him some time back too. My significant other was not so sure of that however, and begged me to ask where he derived such a handle. The explanation we received was exactly as anticipated, "resemblance of that rather large hairy creature that kept Hans Solo company on Star Wars." Didn't need explaining any further to me, but given his stated height and weight in that bit of correspondence I figured, "Yep, that would sound appropriate." I've seen pictures since folks, and let me tell you it ain't far off either! ~~~~~~>   

And, that's a good one folks!

Anyhow... Chewy recently stated in e-mail, that I had to add a new rule on this web site of mine, when I got around to doing those much needed updates I had told him about doing, so I told him to send it to me! He was also kind enough to contribute heavily to the links page for all my viewers' benefit, in that he was reportedly a free lance outdoors/recreational supply salesman/vendor, and researches such goodies extensively, (he is now a deliverer of truck parts), and thus if you happen to find anything out there you need off a link on the RTFI Links Page, and you want to thank him for it, simply click here to e-mail Chewy . Oh yeah... by the way.... tell him I said howdy while you're at it too. Of course, if you're afraid he'll bite, you can always e-mail me at The Webmaster <{{{>< and I'll pass the word on for you.

The Law!

Seems Chewy was out a while back with his Fly Rod in pursuit of a Stream Smallie or two, and the fish were of course bitin', and he got way too involved for his own good. Or, at least that's the position his wife asserted upon his return home! One's "Own Good" is as we all learn in adult relations, a relevant term often having different meanings betwixt members of the opposite genders. And thus, from that experience we have derived this, the first law of Chewy ~~

Chewy's Law ~ #1.) "If we come home an hour and a half late from fishin', don't get frantic and ask if we are okay and if anything went wrong, then blow up when you find out we are fine. The fish were bitin! And, we were enjoying the swimmin' critters. We were not gettin' drunk at the bar (or at a strip club), we were just fishin' like we said. If you wanted to you could have cooked that vegetarian supper you've been wantin' to fix and I would have choked it down just to say I'm sorry for being late, and not wearing either of the watches I own."

I would like to interject here folks that having been there and experienced this scenario on more than one occasion, it is classic wifely, or if you prefer girl-friendly (better cover my ass there too), reaction to our disregard to comply with their prescribed schedule of things to be. It all goes back to motherly tendency to worry over things that do not necessarily need worrying over, and always anticipating the worst.

I mean really; Guys when was the last time you got all bent out of shape because your wife found a sale she wasn't expecting at the mall, and spent an extra hour shopping? (And, didn't find a thing in her size to buy!) Or, because she ran into an old classmate and visited over a cappuccino or two? (If you did, I'll be the first to tell you that you deserve such treatment. Grow up Dude! They're adults, they're entitled to be a little late on occasion too, just as are we.)

Girls - Just because we are a little late, does not mean that ill fate has befallen us either. If we're standing before you with all our extremities attached, we have survived, and all is well. Band-Aids and stitches are minor issues that will wear off and time will overcome, don't get excited about them. Express joy in seeing us, and leave it at that. You might try, "Hi you big lug, I was so worried about you, come over here and let me give you a big, wet, sloppy kiss." Follow through, and leave it at that, unless you want to tell us how much you missed us whilst we were gone. All that ranting and raving should be saved for your children, who need the expressed benefit of motherly insightfulness to learn how to pick up behind themselves, and wash dishes, and such. If our mother has not prevailed in all her years of attempting too, you aren't going to change us with "motherly insightfulness" either, believe me.

Yes I know, about here the terminology "A Little Late" comes into question. And, in response thereto I can only offer that "a little late" is again a relevant term having totally different meanings betwixt those of the opposed genders. Say if you found 15 garage sales, all of which offered bargains, and lots of let's say baby clothes, that were in real nice shape, that might fit the newborn, "a little late" might be construed as most of a Saturday! Whereas, guys just don't sell their fishing equipment on Garage Sales unless it's broke, wore out, or don't catch fish; a little late at garage sales in our perspective is like 10 minutes girls. You walk up to the seller of the garage and simply state, "Got any good fishing goodies?" "Nope" "Got any good Power Tools?" "Nope" "See Ya!"

Fishing on the other hand is a much deeper experience for us than for most of you gals, we get lost in it. We focus to the point time stands still, there is no time, we are a part of eternity, we revel in the fact that our ancestors fished, often to survive. We wonder what the sport will be in a hundred years, from understanding of the advancements in technology over the last 30 years. We are a part of all of that, at least until the fish quit bitin' or the skeeters start, and we look at our watches, that we don't have on, and say geez it must be getting late, I should maybe head home before my wife gets grumpy! Then we typically say, "One more cast before I go. Well right after this one, and then... well maybe one more cast, that one didn't land where I wanted it too. Oh I saw one turn over there, gotta try that spot...." Pretty soon we're off in our own little world, where time stands still again, and an hour and a half is a miniscule blip in the grandiose thereof, until we realize there is a mosquito that weighs twelve pounds sitting on our shoulder, chewing our ear lobe off!

This law goes back to suggestions on the Wives' Page to join us, wherein if you truly tried to understand this fishing thing, and found that you too enjoyed it as we do, in all of it's complexity, you might be more inclined to understand that time is not an element in things fishing. (Unless doing the Tournament Thang! There, and only there, is it acceptable to even remotely consider time, while engaged in the sport.) Wearing our watch, (either of them), is not required unless we explicitly want too, and in many circles it is expressly forbidden. Time is not an option to be considered in pursuit of the sport, period. Not to mention a watch leaves tan lines, which as we all know, you gals so despise, and thus you should be considerate of the fact that we were simply trying to even out the tan lines there!

Basically I guess what we're trying to say is... lighten up girls, if we got fish in the pail it's a sure sign we were fishing! If they're still floppin', it's a sure sign we didn't stop at the bar on the way home too. If there are no fish in the pail, it may mean that we were doing the catch and release thing, (which is quite comparable to shopping, and not finding anything you want at a sale, or 15 garage sales), or that we didn't want to smell up your nice clean kitchen when you're expecting company the next day. None the less however, we were enjoying ourselves, catching fish or at least trying to, which is the intent of the sport or, it might mean them slimy little rascals simply wouldn't cooperate, regardless of how diligent our efforts. It might also mean we were there in solitude, sortin' out a few problems in the world in general, or in our own lives that we truly didn't want to burden you with, simply because we are that way, and our being there was in fact as much for you as it was for us.

Chewy's Law ~ #2. Don't tell us you can't figure out what to get us for Christmas, our Birthday, Fathers Day, etc... Beer, Tackle, Hunting Gear, Boats, Harleys, Fast Cars, and Monster-Trucks all are great ideas.

Embellishing upon these thoughts on my big hairy friend's part, I must concur, that we are extremely easy to please. Monetary expenditure is not however, even remotely necessary girls. We are not into the commercialization thing, gifts from the heart are readily accepted and any man who denies such is full of $#!+. If you feel that you just absolutely have to have something to gift wrap, might I suggest you go here ~ http://www.fredericks.com/ ~ to shop for the appropriate wrapping utensils!

Should you contemplate expenditure of vast sums of money however, I would add to the above statement on my large friends part... Just don't go out and try to buy us a rod and reel, a gun, a power tool, or any other such complicated toys as those mentioned without in-depth consultation, signed agreement that particular model is acceptable fare, and our agreed participation in the purchase to assure we fully concur that it is in fact the preferred model of choice!

If you do, please keep the receipt! We thoroughly enjoy researching product specifications, and we might desire features that particular model don't offer, and thus although we do love you dearly and we truly appreciate your considerate and thoughtful purchase, we might want to return it for something different. If you even remotely contemplate complaint regarding our being entirely too damned fussy about things of that nature; stop, take a deep breath, and contemplate the fact that we chose you to share our lives with, whereas there were numerous other models with fewer frills and attachments. Now do you, or do you not, appreciate our being so fussy?. (Oh yeah... and should you need a little help selecting those wrapping utensils, we'd be glad to offer suggestions there as well. And, NO... Large, pink, fuzzy, floor length wrapping utensils don't cut it when wrapping our presents.)

Girls, when all else fails, and you're in doubt - Gift Certificates from the local sporting goods store are always the perfect gift for your man! They express respect and consideration for the fact that he is both simple and complex in nature, at the same time, as well as a desire on your part to give him what he truly wants, by letting him shop for it himself. He will appreciate it, I assure you.

(To be continued - I'm sure!)

Chewy's Law #3 - If you go to town for beer, please get what you normally see in the fridge and not what's cheapest, or on sale, (unless of course it is for Stan)! While we appreciate the thought, you may not like the, "Who put this crap in the fridge comments," (unless we know Stanley is with us or on the way over).

Chewy don't know Stan ya'll, I just have so much fun picking on the poor guy, that he felt he had too as well. Given Stan's brand of choice after all these years, the comments were almost deserved however. I only know about 2 people in the entire county that drink that stuff still. The local tavern stocks it a six pack at a time. He has however gotten much better about buying real beer when in my company! And, even drinks it routinely when around me.

Chewy's Law #4 - Please remember beer is best cold, not sitting out in the garage or in the middle of the kitchen. That may be a very long 40 minute wait for it to chill, if we are craving a sud. I timed it!

Well..... I don't know about this one, sounds to me as if he's being a might fussy! I thought all devout cravers of cold beer, kept a can or two of Freon sitting around the garage for emergencies! In dire emergency of this nature however, it has been scientifically proven that it is best to close your eyes, and picture yourself in far away places, like Europe maybe, where they drink warm beer! Embellishing upon such warm and cheerful thoughts, one could then go on to picture yourself surrounded by the infamous "Swedish Bikini Team," and by the time you have half your beer down, the wife will have put the beer in the refrigerator and gone to get the Freon out of the garage to prevent you enjoying yourself quite so much, simply because that's the way wives are! I know, I've had several.

Chewy's Law #5 - Do not remind us we forgot our watch! ~ See Chewy's Law #1.

Not sure what the story is on this one folks, I wasn't clued in, I just received several new laws in e-mail with suggestion I post them on the wives page, or here! I initially imagined, that the big guy had not been behaving again, and the Boss has come down upon him for not getting home at the prescribed time for supper. But... in looking at it closer, I'm more inclined to believe that he tried to get away with the statutes and standards duly set forth and described in rtfi.us/CL-01 above, and maybe got caught on the way out the door! Wherein, I am fairly certain Sheila executed preliminary termination of all plausible excuse for being late as result of, "the Timex kept on ticking but it was at home on my dresser sweetie," before he left! By reminding him that he had again left both watches laying on the dresser, and that he better go back and get one of them so he wouldn't be late, for what ever the hell he was trying to be late for!

Chewy's Law #6 - Thank us for getting out of your hair so you could call your friends you have been meaning to, and your mother, and....

I do believe this is continued ranting from the above situation, and trying to sneak out without the time piece, so as to supposedly afford her the ultimate opportunity to catch up on the phone calls. Let's face it big guy, unlike you, she can only talk for so long!!!

As for the newly posted picture above!.......................... 

I'll simply reference those infamous last words of a dying redneck ~ "Hang on! Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit!" Rumor has it, the doctor mentioned something about dressing after a recent hernia surgery, and the big guy showed up at the hospital like this! ~ LOL ~ No actually I do believe he mentioned something to the effect of it being a big benefit supper for a client, or potential client, of the wife's employer. I can't for the life of me understand why he didn't have a few pictures taken with him tying flies in that rented tux though!

Chewy's Law #7 - Be wary of Christmas Gifts bearing the Webmaster's return address. Be extremely wary.

You know some guys simply have no sense of humor when it comes to certain things! Send a guy a Christmas present and he just gets all excited! All I'm going to say is, I wish we'd had a video camera going on that one, I'm sure we could have sent that to America's Funniest Videos and been $10,000 richer. For more on the story see the Forum thread at Chewy's Christmas Kiss!